In this post, we’ll deep dive into the concept of love, defining exactly what it is, exploring its adaptive role in evolution, how and why both men and women perceive it differently and more.
What Is Love?
Love, in the context of romantic relationships, is an evolutionary adaptive emotion that allows us to form bonds and maintain relationships with one another.
The Evolutionary Lens
Romantic love provides a potent motivational push toward the kind of devotion and commitment required for the huge investment needed to support a mate and raise children successfully.
Idealism Versus Opportunism
The adaptive problems both men and women had to solve over the course of evolution differed dramatically. Men had to solve the problem of fertility. Women have had to solve the problem of security.
Consequently, when it comes to attraction, men are wired to desire women who signal health and beauty, while women are wired to desire men who signal strength and recourses.
Therefore, men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. In other words, a man becomes emotionally invested in a woman based on who he thinks she can be, while a woman becomes emotionally invested in a man based on what she thinks he can do.
“Men love women for who they are. Women love men for what men what they do.”
Men & Women Love The Same, But Different
An intersexual experience of love is defined by each sex’s individuated experience.
It’s important to remember that both men and women have the same capacity to love each other intensely and genuinely. However, the process they use to come to this state is different based on their own individuated experiences. What sustains this state is dependent upon the criteria of men’s idealistic and women opportunistic concepts of what it is.
“Men value love. Women love value.”
How Men & Women Show Love
Love is a singular signal of commitment. In other words, all acts of love signal commitment. However, the way men and women show love is different.
When a man is truly in love with a woman, he will naturally desire to protect and provide for her. When a woman is truly in love with a woman, she will naturally desire to stay loyal to him.
“The way a man shows love is through security. The way a woman shows love you through fidelity.”
When it comes to the “L” word, men and women apply it differently as a consequence of their unique survival and reproduction strategies. Men love idealistically based on who a woman can be. Women love opportunistically based on what a man can do.
The key is to understand that both men and women can genuinely love each other just as deeply and intensely from their own individual perspectives of it without needing mutual consensus.